Archive for the ‘respect’ Category

The “Science” and “Art” of Communication Part 3

Now that you have some “Do’s” and “Don’ts” let’s work on making sure when you are trying to communicate a message that you are not misunderstood.
 
The #1 Key is FEEDBACK! Think of feedback as evidence that your audience has heard and understood you. Keep in mind though, someone can hear and repeat your message but still not understand it. Sometimes it may become necessary to explain to your audience as if they were second graders. Reduce it to the irreducible minimums.
 
There are three modes of communication that are all about focus and important to be aware of as well.
 
1. Self Centered
Being pre-occupied with yourself… Did the audience like me? How did I sound? Did I look nervous? How was I coming across? This is being self-centered in your communication focus. The problem with this is that you are ignoring both the message and the audience. The focus then is on you.
 
2. Message Centered
Other times we are confident about ourselves and instead find ourselves over focusing on the message… How is the message being received? Am I getting it just right? Am I using the most appropriate words? Even though it may be better to focus a little more on the message than yourself, you still miss the goal doing this.
 
3. Listener Centered
The goal is to be focused on the audience, secure in your own abilities and confident in your message so that you can engage your audience and be focused on them.
Think of it this way…A good conversation is never like a speech, but a good speech is always like a good conversation.
Do you find yourself being able to connect with people who speak “to you”? More often than not the best speakers are not self centered or message centered but instead more focused on connecting with their audience. It typically has more of a “conversational” feel, we can relate and we feel like they are talking with us, not to us.
 
Think about the people you like to spend most of your time with? Why do you think that is? Sure you might like them because they are an old friend or a lot of fun to hang out with but if you were to dig deep enough would you agree it is because you like to hear what they have to say? They encourage, inspire, challenge amuse and entertain you.
Now think about those who you dread meeting with or spending time with because you know it is going to be like watching paint dry or chewing glass, just down right painful. It may not be that you have anything personal against them, you just don’t want anymore of what they “have to sell”.
 
Be that person that others can’t wait to hear more from. Tell a better story, paint a better picture and pay better attention. Remember when you communicate, people want to be entertained and engaged. Learn from others, study the things they are doing right and wrong. Do not do this to be critical of them but to be constructive for yourself so that you will never stop learning what works and what doesn’t work.
 
 

Mastering Relationships Part 2

In Mastering Relationships Part 1 we went over a checklist of questions to ask yourself in an effort to help master your relationship with others.  Now that you have hopefully given yourself an assessment and know where your strengths and weaknesses are it is time to build upon this list.
 
Negotiation
 
For a moment think of a relationship as a “negotiation”.  Mastering relationships requires you to keep the “and” in mind.  In other words, How do they get what they want AND you get what you want?  A key tip is to always think of them first.  As I refer to many times, one of my montras and Zig Ziglar quotes, “You can have everything you want in life if you help others get what they want.”  This is not just a montra or quote but a true philosophy of life that when understood, embraced and executed will bring your relationships to a new level of mastery that can only be lived to believed.
 
Is the battle worth fighting?
 
How many times do you find yourself in a battle or argument and before you know it you forget why you were even fighting or arguing in the first place?  So often we feel like we just have to be “right” regardless of any other feelings.  The real question should be do you want to be “right” or happy?  To be “happy” first means you have to not care who is “right”, you are willing to rise above your inclination to have the last word and in essence ask yourself, “Is this even going to matter in a day, a week or a year?”  Grasping this way of thinking helps you grow one step closer to Mastering Relationships because you start to look at yourself and others in a completely different perspective and are able to evaluate what is worth truly standing your ground on and what is better just to rise above, walk away from and live to “fight” another day.
 
Agreements
 
Relationships are not only negotiations and the occasional battles but also about agreements.  A person who has mastered relationships understands that agreements start with complete clarity from the beginning.  Nothing is left vague or misunderstood.  Agreements are often much more powerful when put in writing.  This is very necessary when entering into a business relationship with others.  Mastering a business relationship means that both parties know exactly what is going on and the goal is of the relationship (or partnership).  Occasionally we may jump into agreements that are not even clear to ourselves.  This can become a tremendous hinderance as we cannot expect to be clear with others if we are not even clear with ourselves.
 
Growth
 
Mastering Relationships also require you to surround yourself with people who will help you grow.  Understanding the difference between a relationship that encourages your growth and a “friendship” that hold you back from reaching your greatness.  Knowing the importance of walking away from these relationships, as difficult as it may be at times, shows yet another step toward Mastering Relationships.
 
The circle of growth
 
You need to grow, to grow is to learn, to learn is to teach, to teach is to grow!
 
Get out there and Master the Relationships you have in your personal and professional lives using the checklist, the suggestions and even your own ideas that develop from applying them.
 
 

5 Keys To Success

Treating people with respect wins trust and develops lasting relationships. Here are 5 keys to success.
 
1) Be on time In fact, arrive early for appointments and meetings. Plan time milestones in your daily schedule that tell you when to begin transferring to an appointment. That is, note when you will stop working on a task, begin collecting resource materials, and start traveling. Allow time for delays in travel, especially if driving. Consider: The fastest way to destroy people’s trust in you is to waste their time through lack of planning or communication.
 
2) Communicate with others Answer your phone and return phone calls. Listen carefully and completely when people talk to you. Show an interest in others before telling about yourself. When making phone calls, devote all of your attention to what the other person is saying (instead of time sharing with other tasks, such as checking e-mail or playing computer games). Call others only when you can devote full attention to what the other person is saying. Consider: ignoring people is rude and unprofessional.
 
3) Plan projects For example, always prepare an agenda for meetings. Contact key participants before the meeting to hear their views, solicit suggestions for agenda items, and coach them on how to prepare for the meeting. Send agendas far enough before the meeting so that people have time to prepare. Consider: Bad meetings demonstrate an inability to provide leadership.
 
4) Be courteous Find the good in everyone. Compliment others. Avoid starting or listening to gossip. Never ridicule, insult, or make fun of other people. Use positive words, always speaking about what you want and how you want things to be. Avoid suggesting motives or assigning judgments for other people’s actions and views. Consider: Discourtesy damages all relationships.
 
5) Help others Be a mentor for newcomers. Share ideas. Teach people skills that will help them excel. Work with a spirit of abundance. Seek win/win results. Let others speak first, even on issues where you are an expert. Give first without attaching a receipt for return favors. Consider: Selfish people end up working harder.